I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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