apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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