so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
