maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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