I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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