i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
