you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
