She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
