pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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