Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
