seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
