Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
