Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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