That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
