My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
