Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
