I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
