Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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