you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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