also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
