atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
