Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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