Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
