i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
