Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
