God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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