Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize