That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
