I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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