I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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