How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
