I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
