operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
