Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
