Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
