never play flip cup with pint glasses
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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