i permit you to call me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
