Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
