Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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