Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
