when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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