the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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