There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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