bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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