No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Still dying that you shit outside
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
