Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
