Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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