I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
