i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
