Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
