Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
