Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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