im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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