I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize