the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
