I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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