Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
