We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
