How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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