Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
