i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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