Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
