i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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