i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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