My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
